My cynicism is once again in ascendance

Yeah, so I got canned after my first night alone canvassing for GCI. It was kind of surreal. We were in Lincoln Park, where I knocked on 186 doors, talked to 46 people yet only raised $25. My goal was $100.

I've worked in sales a long time. I know the pitch, I know how to read people, and I knew their script and stuck to it. In short, I know how to get people to hand over their money if I want them to buy something from me. In this case, I was selling democracy, so to speak, but you get what I mean.

So why so bad? Because even good salesmen have lousy days, and this was just a lousy day. That it happened to be my first day was unfortunate, and I wasn't asked back.

But not because I only met 25% of my goal, no. The Ass't director, a valley-girl who just graduated college, apparently didn't think I fit in with her clique of young, idealistic, world-changers. Or she just didn't "love my face off" like she said to the other 5 team members, two of whom raised less than me.

Whatever, I've been fired before over personality conflicts. But this was just stupid.

I didn't meet my quota, but neither did half the team. One girl, who was on her second training day, only made two dollars! But she was young and bubbly like the AD, as her face must've been worth "loving off." (I swear, she said it all the fucking time).

So from my point of view, they dumped an experienced and motivated person from their ranks because a petty and judgmental bitch didn't think I would fit in with the clique. Seriously, I would tell a joke and everyone else but her would laugh. She even called me rude when I related a story of how one door I knocked on revealed a Republican who accused me of the old "tax & spend" trope that conservatives love to bandy about; to which I replied that it was better than the "spend and spend" of the Republican congress of the previous 14 years.

Yeah, she though I was rude to him! That the other team members were nodding at me in approval and smiling at me apparently didn't enthuse her.

So I guess I had to be removed. Oh well, petty valley girls area dime a dozen these days (why can't we shoot Paris Hilton into space? Please?). Doesn't make it suck any less.

So much for working for democracy, I guess. Back to the comfortable confines of cranky cynicism. (Does it count as alliteration even though "cyncism" isn't a hard C? I think I should get the points anyway. :P)

If only there was a Scarlet P...

So I've been meaning to write this for a few months now, ever since I put up the Scarlet "A" for atheism but got sidetracked by assignments and other pursuits to write what needed to be written.

Why write anything, you ask? Aren't I an atheist? I write a lot about it, so what gives?

Well, technically, I'm not an atheist. I'm a pantheist.

So I do believe in something as opposed to just plain old non-belief. I'm not saying atheism is nihilism, it's just lack of a belief in the supernatural/spiritual/etc. Atheists hold many beliefs, like everyone, they just happen to lack one belief that most other people seem to have.

But wait, you say! Aren't I describing a line of demarcation between my pantheism and atheism, so why do I have the "A"? Well, hold on, I'm getting to that.

I do possess a spiritual belief in the inherent "being" of everything. Just the fact that everything in existence actually exists shows that, at base, existence or the state of "being" is the common denominator of all things. I think there is a spiritual kinship between all things, and the only "will" (if you could call it that) behind this common spirit is the single-minded will to exist.

Nothing beyond that, though. No design. No plan. No intent beyond simply existing.

I know it may smack of teleology and even perhaps a bit of ontology, but it's only my own poor definitions that may make it seem that way. But even when I considered myself an agnostic atheist I still at least believed in the human spirit, so it's not so different. It's just where my explorations into science, philosophy, and history have taken me so far. Right now, it makes the most sense to me, even if I can't describe very well the abstractions of it I conceive in my head.

But what does this have to do with atheism?

Well, pantheism is no more or less rational than agnostic atheism. I don't parade my beliefs as science, or even as an absolute truth. It's just what *I* think. And it may change someday. There is still the possibility, however remote, that something could bring me back round to Christianity, even though I have absolutely no clue what could possibly bring me round again.

Anyway, when it comes to religion, I don't see it as conducive to modern civilization. I see the acceptance of any absolutist position as the first step toward totalitarianism, and there are few things more absolutist than organized religions.

In this, the atheists and I are one. It is also a fact that, becuase I do not believe in a divine will or distinct personality when I talk about "god", the believers consider me in pretty much the same way they considers atheists. Not always, but most Christians I've talked to about my beliefs treat me the same as what they would call an atheist, e.g. I'm attacked for materialism, nihilism, moral relativism, etc. the same as when I was an atheist. They like that I don't call myself an atheist, but I get all the same flak that I got when actually identified as an atheist. So I'm really just another non-believer to those kind of people.

The bottom line is, I support Richard Dawkins' initiative to get people to talk more about non-belief, or at least belief without religious dogma. I think if we can get people to think more independently, more intelligently, then things will continue to improve in the world. Absolutist religion is an impediment to progress, to the betterment of humanity.

...that reminds me, I was also attacked for being a humanist, which is apparently a throwback to the 1970s fundamentalist term for the "New Atheism" of that era.

So I'm all for more people talking, more people thinking, and more people questioning. Doubt is necessary for improvement. Doubt is hope, hope for something better. It's not settling for the "good enough"-type answers provided for by ancient superstitions. Question! Question! QUESTION! It's the only way we move forward. The Scarlet "A" is a symbol of that, and so I sport it on my blog.

I need to rethink my escape plan...

Ever since Bu$h was first appointed elected in 2000, I had always taken comfort in the thought that, if things ever really got bad, I could always go back to the land of my birth, where surely it would remain a haven of sanity. I thought even harder about going back when I lost my faith in Christianity a few years later. The English, after all, are supposed to be the paragon of what constitutes a civilized society. No way could religious zealots take hold again as they did in Cromwell's time.

Well, turns out they're gaining more power than I had thought.

Check out this recent episode of "Dispatches" titled "In God's Name" on YouTube.


(It's broken up into five parts, here's the playlist with all the videos included.)

So I'd heard about the faith schools, and the anti-Muslim nuts, but seeing it on video really brought it home. Where am I supposed to go now if the US really does become JesusLand? Truly it's just like Tears for Fears said: "It's a Mad World..."